I'm about to embark on a new life journey where I have the opportunity to start afresh. And when I mean afresh, I literally mean I have two suitcases of clothes and three smallish bags worth of possessions from when I walked away from a house that I had completely furnished. Sans bitterness (lol, yeah, might take me a little longer to not be bitter, it just took me fifteen attempts at writing that last sentence so that it didn't include "money grubbing whore"), I am looking to build a fuckin' sick set up in a new house/ apartment.
In the past I have been given furniture here and there, cobbling together an apartment/ house and lugging around the most retarded of **** through move upon move (who the **** needs a filing cabinet anymore? Apparently me, to keep all my empty bottles of grog that I had been hiding from the missus at the time). I'm a simple man when it comes to possessions, when I don't have them I don't care for them, when I have them I Hoard them like I was on that reality show about Hoarders that kept Hoarding things, IIRC I think it was called Collecting Things. I'd keep a fucking clipped toenail in case they become currency in a post apocalyptic world. When I have nothing, I don't really miss a thing, it frees up the mind.
My next house is going to be simple, effective, but I need some cool ideas, out there but not outlandish, pimp but not tacky, gangsta without the guns, sexy with heaps of sex. Seriously, this pad is going to be the joint of a thousand bangs and each individual bang is reserved for a different girl.
My primary focus is the bedroom, because that's where the magic happens. So I need it to be hella magical. My only stipulation is the need for a queen sized bed with memory foam mattress and a **** chair. No, I am not kidding, a **** chair. Its only purpose will be to **** comfortably in a variety of positions. Not a couch, not an armchair, if I am in my bedroom and looking to relax, I will use my bed, but I'll be damned if I'm going to the kitchen or lounge room for some chair sex. I'm looking to you, internet inhabitants, for advice on a sex friendly chair for my bedroom. Now there is a sentence that has NEVER been written in seriousness and will probably never be written again, I don't care how many monkeys there are on the internet typing.
I'm sure you have all seen some wicked ideas on the web where you've gone, "**** yeah, I want that for my house". A recent one that made me happy was a loft-style apartment (with the bedroom upstairs) where the bedroom was over the kitchen and there was a clear floor in front of the dresser. Think of the possibilities, your ONS is getting ready in front of the mirror on the dresser and you're burning the bacon while getting a crooked neck. Now, that is obviously pie in the sky and something I would aim for when I BUY a place, but I'm renting, so keep that in mind.
I am not loaded, neither, so if your suggestions are akin to "hey, why don't you take a few grand and try to melt it down to make a desk lamp because that would be pretty funky" I'll tell you to **** off because my job is good, but I'm not a millionaire. And if you think, "you can't melt down money, you douche, it burns", then you obviously haven't been to Australia:
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Plastic money is NOT phoney money.
Really this is a thread for you to dump all those "win" pieces of furniture that you would have bought before your wife or partner said, "that's stupid" and you went, "okay" and went about shuffling your broken arse back to your minivan while those demon kids of yours are screaming at you to go to Disneyland, or things your broke- single- living- at- home- in- your- parents- basement dreams about when you finally break out of your oppressive matriarchs grasp. It's going on 43 years now, bro, and she ain't giving signs of that heart attack you've been praying for.
Oh, and don't think I am talking just about purchasing things, I've seen some wicked **** made from old forklift pallets and cinder blocks, so let your imagination and internet search skills go wild.
Summary:
1. Bed.
2. **** chair.
3. Couch (think something where I can have multiple male friends watch an MMA event, but also where the sexy times can begin with multiple female friends).
4. Dining/ kitchen table.
5. Bookcase.
6. Any FUNCTIONAL awesome thing.
All these items should be class A- for Awesome if posted in this thread.
In the past I have been given furniture here and there, cobbling together an apartment/ house and lugging around the most retarded of **** through move upon move (who the **** needs a filing cabinet anymore? Apparently me, to keep all my empty bottles of grog that I had been hiding from the missus at the time). I'm a simple man when it comes to possessions, when I don't have them I don't care for them, when I have them I Hoard them like I was on that reality show about Hoarders that kept Hoarding things, IIRC I think it was called Collecting Things. I'd keep a fucking clipped toenail in case they become currency in a post apocalyptic world. When I have nothing, I don't really miss a thing, it frees up the mind.
My next house is going to be simple, effective, but I need some cool ideas, out there but not outlandish, pimp but not tacky, gangsta without the guns, sexy with heaps of sex. Seriously, this pad is going to be the joint of a thousand bangs and each individual bang is reserved for a different girl.
My primary focus is the bedroom, because that's where the magic happens. So I need it to be hella magical. My only stipulation is the need for a queen sized bed with memory foam mattress and a **** chair. No, I am not kidding, a **** chair. Its only purpose will be to **** comfortably in a variety of positions. Not a couch, not an armchair, if I am in my bedroom and looking to relax, I will use my bed, but I'll be damned if I'm going to the kitchen or lounge room for some chair sex. I'm looking to you, internet inhabitants, for advice on a sex friendly chair for my bedroom. Now there is a sentence that has NEVER been written in seriousness and will probably never be written again, I don't care how many monkeys there are on the internet typing.
I'm sure you have all seen some wicked ideas on the web where you've gone, "**** yeah, I want that for my house". A recent one that made me happy was a loft-style apartment (with the bedroom upstairs) where the bedroom was over the kitchen and there was a clear floor in front of the dresser. Think of the possibilities, your ONS is getting ready in front of the mirror on the dresser and you're burning the bacon while getting a crooked neck. Now, that is obviously pie in the sky and something I would aim for when I BUY a place, but I'm renting, so keep that in mind.
I am not loaded, neither, so if your suggestions are akin to "hey, why don't you take a few grand and try to melt it down to make a desk lamp because that would be pretty funky" I'll tell you to **** off because my job is good, but I'm not a millionaire. And if you think, "you can't melt down money, you douche, it burns", then you obviously haven't been to Australia:
Plastic money is NOT phoney money.
Really this is a thread for you to dump all those "win" pieces of furniture that you would have bought before your wife or partner said, "that's stupid" and you went, "okay" and went about shuffling your broken arse back to your minivan while those demon kids of yours are screaming at you to go to Disneyland, or things your broke- single- living- at- home- in- your- parents- basement dreams about when you finally break out of your oppressive matriarchs grasp. It's going on 43 years now, bro, and she ain't giving signs of that heart attack you've been praying for.
Oh, and don't think I am talking just about purchasing things, I've seen some wicked **** made from old forklift pallets and cinder blocks, so let your imagination and internet search skills go wild.
Summary:
1. Bed.
2. **** chair.
3. Couch (think something where I can have multiple male friends watch an MMA event, but also where the sexy times can begin with multiple female friends).
4. Dining/ kitchen table.
5. Bookcase.
6. Any FUNCTIONAL awesome thing.
All these items should be class A- for Awesome if posted in this thread.